Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize