Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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