So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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