I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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