remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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