Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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