remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
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I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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