Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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