Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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