he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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