she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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