please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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