I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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