Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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