foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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