One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize