thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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