Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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