Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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