you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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