i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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