My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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