I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize