my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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