I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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