Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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