i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i now understand why vodka
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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