You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
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is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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