omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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