Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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