So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize