I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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