i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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