I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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