Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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