So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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