As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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