Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
