the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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