put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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