Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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