PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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