if you like me you must not know who I am
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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