If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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