Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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