You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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