I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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