can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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