i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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