I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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